what doesnt kill you gives you exp points
*dentist slaughters family in front of you*
they’re bleeding because you don’t floss
when a friend asks you for a piece of paper and 12 other kids ask you too
the brazilian wandering spider’s venom can give you an erection lasting for hours
*picks up cat* *makes cat dance* *puts cat back down*
if i ever got sentenced to house arrest i’d just laugh at the judge
I think I’m emotionally constipated because I haven’t given a shit in months
show a man tumblr and he will laugh for a second. teach a man to use tumblr and watch him spiral into insanity
remember that one time you called your teacher mom
yes… yes, of course. thank you, google.
Ah, yes, my mistake. Thank you.
my ride is here